Column for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Arriving home is a party for my two small dogs. Each time I get home, I barely turn off the car engine before hearing the loud barks echoing inside the house. Our miniature Schnauzers wait for me by the garage door, tail wagging, showing the extent of their love and devotion. Their joy doesn’t change, whether I’ve been gone for an hour or for days. Every time I return, they celebrate. And even though I know they love me deeply, sometimes I must back them off, lest their joy turns into scratches that leave a mark.

This week, I thought about my dogs’ intense affection while traveling down Brazil’s BR-101 with my brother as we started my Brazilian book tour. We are visiting several cities and states, where I speak at various churches, hold interviews, and book signing events.

This marks my first work-only trip to my homeland. Despite the packed schedule for the upcoming weeks, I’ve made a conscious effort to carve out time to reconnect with my family and friends during my stay.

I cannot imagine coming to Brazil without spending time with my loved ones. Despite life’s difficulties and the miles that separate us, my time here always feels like a series of “welcome home” moments. Every hug, every smile, every tear-filled greeting reminds me of the immense love we share, even in life’s most challenging moments.

Regardless of the depth of our love for each other, certain family relationships can be complicated. While most relatives fill my life with joy, there is always a situation that challenges me to respond with patience and grace. Most of the time, I rise to the challenge, but when you mix a busy schedule with extensive travel and someone’s difficult personality, the result can fall short.

Whenever that happens, I struggle between choosing my battles and holding my ground.

Healthy Boundaries

For many years, I chose to always take the high road with difficult relatives, ignoring snorty comments, walking away, and turning the other cheek. But today, I have a different perspective.

There is no question that if I take the wrong turn, succumbing to my emotions, I may say things that I cannot take back. Worse yet, if I say goodbye to someone without resolving a conflict, I may never have the opportunity to make amends. However, there are people in our lives and situations when not establishing a boundary is not the loving (or the right) thing to do.

Jesus exemplified the importance of setting healthy boundaries in relationships throughout his ministry. He regularly withdrew from the crowds to seek solitude with the Father, prioritizing spiritual renewal over demands for his time. When faced with abuse, such as a mob trying to throw him off a cliff, as described in the fourth chapter of the Epistle of Luke, Jesus asserted his authority and walked away. In the twelfth chapter of Matthew, we read that even his family could not divert him from his mission, as he refused to let his mother and brothers pull him from his task.

Throughout the gospel, Jesus skillfully navigated baiting questions from religious leaders with wisdom, turning their attempts at manipulation into teaching moments. In Luke 23, he remained steadfast against Herod’s cynical demand for a miraculous sign, rejected Peter’s misguided agenda for a political Messiah in Matthew 16, and refrained from performing miracles for those who did not believe him in Matthew 13.

Likewise, Jesus spoke truth in love, confronting exploitation in the temple by driving out the merchants who dishonored God’s house (Matthew 21). In all these instances, Jesus modeled maintaining boundaries while showing love and truth.

It’s taken me years to realize that setting boundaries is not only the right thing to do—it’s essential for preserving healthy relationships.

Just as I gently back my dogs off when their enthusiastic love leaves marks on my skin, I’ve learned that creating space with loved ones whose words or actions cause pain is okay. Boundaries aren’t a rejection of love; they are an invitation to love well, free from resentment or unresolved hurt.

This article was originally published in Patricia’s column for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Saturday, September 21, 2024. Click HERE to find it on the AJC’s website.