Helping little hearts face the unknown
(Plus Interview with Darby Strickland)
Some parenting moments make us wish we could reach into our children’s hearts, gently remove their fears, and assure them everything will be all right. We want to spare them the uncertainty, the tears, and the ache of losing something familiar. If we could make life’s difficult parts easier for them, most of us would do it in a heartbeat.
But what happens when we cannot fix what hurts?
A new school. A move to another city. A family separation. The loss of someone they love. What may seem like a manageable transition to an adult can feel like an entire world shifting beneath a child’s feet.
As parents, we often find ourselves navigating these changes while carrying our own burdens. We are trying to keep the household running, meet responsibilities, and process our own emotions. In the middle of it all, we can forget that our children are experiencing the upheaval, too.
And sometimes, in our sincere desire to protect them, we unintentionally hurry them past their pain.
That is one of the important truths I explored in my conversation with counselor and author Darby A. Strickland on God-Sized Stories with Patricia Holbrook.
When We Want to Make the Pain Go Away
Darby’s work with women and families facing difficult circumstances helped inspire her children’s book, A Big Change Happened. She has seen how major life transitions can affect not only adults but also the children who are trying to understand what is happening around them.
She also recognizes a familiar instinct in parents: when our children are hurting, we want to make the discomfort stop.
Sometimes that means offering a distraction, changing the subject, or quickly reassuring them that everything will be fine. We may reach for a treat, a favorite story, or a screen because watching our children struggle is difficult. But Darby offered a gentle reminder: children need opportunities to talk about what hurts. They need help identifying their feelings and expressing the questions they may not yet know how to articulate.
A child who becomes unusually clingy, asks the same questions repeatedly, or struggles with bedtime may be communicating distress in the only way they know how. What looks like difficult behavior may be an invitation to slow down and listen.
Instead of immediately trying to solve the problem, we can ask, “What are you worried about?” or “What feels scary to you right now?” We may discover that the fear we assumed our child was experiencing is not the fear they are carrying at all.
Sometimes, the most loving thing we can offer is our undivided attention.
A Whale, a Journey, and an Unchanging God
In A Big Change Happened, Darby introduces young readers to Wallace, a whale who must leave his familiar waters and journey north with his mother. Wallace has questions. What will the new place be like? Will he be okay? What will happen to his friends?
His mother cannot answer every question, just as we cannot predict every detail of our own families’ futures. But she can remind him of what remains true: God’s love will follow him wherever he goes.
The story draws on Psalm 139, a beautiful passage about God’s complete knowledge of us and His constant presence. The psalmist asks where he could go to escape God’s Spirit or flee from His presence. The answer offers comfort for every uncertain journey: there’s no place we can go where God’s love cannot reach.
What a precious truth to plant in a child’s heart!
Darby explained that she wants children to carry these biblical promises into adulthood, when life’s changes may become more complicated and unsettling. She wants them to understand that although circumstances change, the Lord continues to see them, know them, and surround them with His care.
That is a faith worth cultivating—not a promise that life will always feel safe or predictable, but an assurance that we are never beyond God’s presence.
Comfort Without Dismissing Their Feelings
One of the most meaningful parts of our conversation was the distinction between comforting a child and bypassing a child’s emotions with spiritual reassurance.
Indeed, there is a difference between saying, “Don’t worry. God will take care of everything,” and sitting beside a frightened child long enough to understand what is frightening them.
If a child is worried about starting a new school, we can acknowledge the fear and help make the unfamiliar more manageable. Perhaps we can visit the school beforehand, walk through the hallways, or practice introducing ourselves to a new friend.
If a child is grieving, we can allow the tears to come without insisting that sadness disappear because we believe in heaven.
Faith does not require us to pretend that painful things do not hurt.
In fact, Scripture gives us room to lament, to ask difficult questions, and to bring our honest emotions before the Lord. We can model that kind of faith for our children by being truthful about what we do not know while holding firmly to what we do know about God’s character.
As Darby shared, a parent might tell a worried child, “I’m not exactly sure what will happen, but I know Jesus is with us, and I’m here with you. We’ll face this change together.”
There is tenderness in that answer. It offers neither false certainty nor empty reassurance. It gives a child something real to hold on to: a loving parent’s presence and God’s faithfulness.
The Gift of Being Present
Darby also reflected on how easily technology and constant interruptions can pull our attention away from the people sitting right in front of us. Children need more than our physical presence. They need moments when they know we are truly listening.
We do not have to be perfect parents to offer that gift. We can begin with small, intentional acts: keeping familiar family routines during a move, inviting children to participate in age-appropriate decisions, reading together, praying together, and making room for conversations that do not have easy answers.
Our children will face changes we cannot prevent. We cannot shield them from every disappointment, loss, or uncertainty. But we can help them develop a foundation of faith that will sustain them long after they leave our homes.
Perhaps that is part of the beautiful work of parenting: not removing every storm from our children’s paths, but helping them discover where to turn when the winds begin to blow.
And as we walk beside them, we can remember the same truth we are teaching them. We, too, are held by the God who knows our thoughts, understands our fears, and remains near when the road ahead is unclear.
The next time your child struggles with a change, resist the urge to rush toward an answer. Sit down. Listen. Make room for the tears and the questions. Then gently remind that little heart of what has always been true: God’s love is not limited by familiar places, predictable routines, or circumstances we can control.
Wherever the journey leads, He will be there.
Continue the conversation: Listen to or watch my full God-Sized Stories with Patricia Holbrook interview with Darby A. Strickland from the links below and also enter the GIVEAWAY for a chance to win a copy of her book. Scroll down for the form.
FIND OUT MORE:
- Purchase the book: A BIG CHANGE HAPPENED (Children’s book)
- Watch the interview below and ENTER THE GIVEAWAY from the form at the end of this post.
